Criticism vs Love

I don’t know very many people that have adopted or been adopted. Probably less than 30 families total that I know. Still, with what little I do know, I have come to notice that every story is unique and every reason is personal.  

When we were at a craft fair in Rifle Colorado, increasing awareness of our adoption, and trying to make connections with people through a small fundraiser, there was one person in particular that saddened me a little, and I felt sorry for. Perhaps it’s wrong of me to feel sorry for this mother, but this is how my experience went.  Every correspondence with passersby was positive all day long, except this one mom who walked by with a child on each hand. She asked, “What is your booth for?”  I answered, “We are doing a fundraiser for our adoption of a sibling group from Haiti. Would you like to buy a chocolate, sucker, or a puzzle piece to help us out on our family mission?”  She replied sternly and mildly angrily, “No! There are too many children in America that need to be adopted. I adopted these two children. I will never support someone adopting from another country.”  She turned her back and stormed off.  Now, the words may be just a little off. That was some weeks ago, and though the words may vary a little, the experience and emotion is still very vivid.  

I’m on a personal mission for self-improvement through other social media  (stripling warrior studio on YouTube).  One of my current objectives is to go 24 hours without criticizing. Though I have still been unsuccessful since November 1, 2018, I have definitely changed a great deal on the way I think.  A greater effort to understand people, a greater appreciation for views and opinions different from my own that make the world so beautiful, a grasp on the fact that my knowledge is so limited despite how much I know, and understanding people in all walks of life of all ages and genders have something they can teach me.  I’m the type of person by nature that is a cheerleader in your corner if I like you and historically a hardheaded and cocky know it all teenager mindset in discussions with others that disagree with me regardless of what I actually do or do not know.  Consequently, I have prevented and perhaps ruined far too many friendships or possible friendships. 

So, you may wonder what does any of this have to do with the story of the lady at the craft fair, and our personal adoption. My answer: everything!  You see, some people see a need for children in our country and want to help them because they feel patriotic, some people want to make a difference in their own community and some people may be helping a family member or friend who is not ready to be a parent, and some people may adopt inside our country because they can make money at it or for many other options. Their reasoning, in my mind right now, is irrelevant if they’re giving the kids a loving home. 

I have wanted my wife, Millie, to post on why she feels we need to adopt from Haiti. However, at this point, I feel differently. I think I wanted her to post it as a means for me to feel like my family is justified in our actions of adopting outsider of our country. However, we do not need to justify anything for anyone. 

What matters in the big picture, to me, is that we are all children of God, and that there are children we are desirous to bring into our home as our sons or daughters. With as time-consuming and exhausting as it is to raise any child, much less the additional difficulties to have an adopted child with an unknown history, a different language, separation, etc, what really matters is love. 

Biological or adopted: love.  

Genetically related or not: love. 

National or international: love.  

We cannot simultaneously criticize and love.  

Criticizing implies superiority and pride.  I’m learning that.  I’ve felt it.  It feels good to be ridding my life of it and moving on with a solitary focus on love.

So, if I may, please consider this suggestion: when someone chooses to adopt, though their primary reasons may be singular, in time adopters gain more and grow more as they are ultimately motivated by love.

I imagine a similar message holds true for all of us in day-to-day life outside of adoption.  May we all be ultimately motivated by love and see that in others as our world rolls on.

Post-blog request: 

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With much love, 

The Hoggan's