“Don’t withdraw emotionally from your child when she says “no.” Stay connected. This may require hard work on your part, but it will pay off in the long run.”

 It’s interesting how common it is for a parent to  REACT to their child of any age from toddler to teen when the child says no. I really liked this quote from the same book I’ve been referencing. It really makes me contemplate on all of the times that I as a husband and father, have REACTED  to the opinion of a family member when it conflicts with my own. When you think about it, isn’t this author spot on with her advice? Don’t REACT. Stay emotionally connected. If, or when, another person disagrees, retaliates, or whatever word you wanna use here, with your own request or opinion, doesn’t it make so much more sense to say, “I love you just as much when you are angry.”?

 Since November 1, 2018 I have been trying to go 24 hours with no criticizing comments towards others or myself for any reason. I don’t think it’s American culture. I’m guessing it’s a personal weakness, and a big one at that! Almost 2 months into this challenge, with the daily effort to change it, I still have not made it 24 hours. It  dawned on me yesterday that it may be impossible to simply quit a bad habit. Instead, I may need to simply slow down my thoughts and therefore my words, replace any criticizing comments with complementary comments, and then drop the subject. This one  liner statement would apply to so many situations, “I love you just as much when you were angry.”

 Someone out there who is reading this is certainly asking, “Well how are they going to learn if you don’t tell them what they need to change?” First, my thought is that no one changes their actions until they want to. Second, no one wants to until they feel connected  to the cause. Third, it’s hard to connect to any cause without love for it first.   So, introduce the opinion or cause or request or etc., Then let them love it, then connect to it by their own means, then let them act because they want to.   As they do or don’t, let RESPONDING with natural consequences (good or bad)  be the teacher.

 The timing of reading the last couple chapters I have read has been coincidentally helpful.

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